Lydia: The Power of Introverts

Psalm 22:1-15

Acts 16:11-15

Susan Cain wrote a 2012 bestselling book entitled, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.  As you might guess, she has a bone to pick with our culture’s bias towards extroverts.

She defines introverts roughly as “people who get their psychic energy from quiet reflection and solitude (not to be confused with people who are shy and become anxious in unfamiliar social situations). Extroverts, by contrast, thrive in crowds and have long been prized in society for their ability to command attention. Many people share attributes of both.”

 

The need of extroverts to command the attention of others is particularly true in our social-media culture, where attention is heaped on the noisy and provocative.  Some of us want everyone to know everything about our day, and so we provide it in countless updates to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.  Others of us cringe at the thought of processing our stuff in so public a way.  Notice, both kinds of people enjoy sharing their lives with others, but one enjoys putting it all out there, and another would much rather do it with one or two others over coffee.

Both introverts and others view their tendency toward solitary activity, quiet reflection and reserve as “a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology,” Cain writes.

We have good friends, a little younger than us, but with kids.  They can literally be out late in large groups 5 or 6 nights a week.  They get so much energy from these relationships and experiences that missing a few hours of sleep is no big deal.  Just watching them do this is exhausting to us!  Every time we’re out with them, just when we think the evening is dying down, they say, “OK let’s go grab a drink somewhere else,” or “Let’s go get dessert.” 

On the other end of the spectrum, one of our primary office staff people was a good friend of mine.  He was a young man in his late 20’s.  He’s pretty introverted.  And so the fact that his computer and desk were right by the front door to the office drove him crazy.  We really didn’t have a “receptionist” since not that many people visited the office.  But he felt like he had to greet people, smile, and make small talk.  That was hell for an introvert!

When I’m in a meeting, my natural inclination is to talk a little, get the basic lay of the land, consider a few details (but not so many we get lost in them), then make a call about how to  move forward and trust that we’ll figure it out along the way.  Sometimes that works.  Sometimes it doesn’t.  But it’s helpful for me to know that not everyone is wired like me.  Tim Randles and Larry Nuss are two people I’ve really learned to appreciate.  They always ask for more data.  They are very thoughtful and thorough.  They listen and are able to imagine what more we need to know.  They add something to our collective wisdom that I and others like me can’t.

So in terms of congregational life, those more introverted probably don’t like greeting others and making small talk before and after services, and especially as we “pass the peace.”  They do not thrill to the idea of serving as greeters, or leading worship, or speaking – although they can do all these things quite well.  They endure our fellowship lunches, but find great relief when they can sit at table with a few others they know. 

In committee meetings they sit back and listen, they ask good questions, because they’re processing things.  They might even judge others who process everything out loud or those who make snap decisions and just hope for the best.  They are likely critical of those who fritter so much energy away making small talk that they have little bandwidth left for serious reflection and strategic thinking.

Our reading today raises a question about how we’re wired and how we’re gifted.  Last week we focused on Cornelius (Acts 10) – a powerful, influential military man who led a life of prayer and generosity towards those who were poor.  He had connected his competitive side with his tender side.  And for that reason he was the right person to play a role in connecting non-Jews with Jews in the missionary expansion of the early Christians.

This week we come to Lydia.  A business woman.  She is – like Cornelius – a non-jew, a Gentile, a “worshiper of God.”  She is also like him in that she is clearly successful, a person with not a little power.  She is a dealer in purple cloth from Thyatira, but currently living in the Roman colony and leading regional city of Phillipi, for business reasons. 

On the Sabbath day, she gathered with other women outside the gates at a river for prayer, and she is described as “listening.”  This is a skilled tradesperson, a seasoned businesswoman, a person who knows commerce and marketplaces.  She did not think herself an expert in religious matters.  She prays and listens as the businesswoman she is.  Her heart is opened by God, and she and her household respond to the word with baptism.  And she persuades the Paul’s group of companions to stay at her home.

I am reading a story and can only guess about Lydia’s personality.  She is described as “listening,” instead of talking.  This is a tell-tale sign of a person who is more introverted than extroverted.  But notice, like most introverts, she is also a people person.  But she likes smaller groups.  She is not pictured entertaining others in the commerce district.  That’s her job.  On her free day, she finds rest and pleasure from gathering with a few women in a quiet place. 

Now remember, the story of Acts is not a story about Lydia.  She plays a very small role.  It’s a story about the continuation of Jesus’ powerful ministry, but now through those who were witnesses to his resurrected aliveness.  So while we may be curious about Lydia, we should be equally curious about what God is up to in this story.  “The Lord opened her heart to respond [or ‘listen eagerly’] to what was said by Paul” (v. 14).  The point is not that introverts are closer to God.  But introverts are probably better at listening for God’s voice.  Listening is one of their gifts.

Those of you who are introverts need to hear today that your personality, your wiring, your way of being in the world is a real gift from God.  Far from being a second-class citizen, we need you and your gifts.  If in the past we have overlooked you because others are better at talking, we were wrong.  We need those who sit back and listen, then ask questions, then think a little more before voicing their perspective.  You see more than the rest of us.  You notice more.  You aren’t in a hurry.  And that is a real blessing. 

Our fast-paced American culture celebrates the go-getter, the networker, the extroverted connector, the social butterfly, the man or woman of action.  We operate with the assumption that those who thrive on the energy of crowds and who are comfortable jumping in and talking on any subject are “normal.”  And that those more quiet and reserved are not as normal.  And I hope that today we can dispense with this myth altogether.  The way you’re wired is part of the way you’re gifted to be a blessing to others around you. 

When Paul shared the good news of Jesus Christ, his life and teachings, his death and resurrection, and his movement to gather followers to continue his work – Lydia eagerly listened, and responded in faith.  And maybe it’s going a little too far to assume that she was introverted.  But I do know this.  She was able to quiet herself in order to listen to something that mattered.  She was not so consumed with maintaining fourteen close friendships that she was distracted from the powerful word in front of her.  She was not such a busy-body workaholic that she could not slow herself down to hear some good news.  She had the ability to create a quiet and open space in her life, so that she could hear something new, and good, and life-giving.

Most researchers now agree that dividing people up as either introverted or extroverted isn’t all that helpful.  First of all, it’s simply a spectrum, with all of us somewhere in between the two extremes.  No one is ever 100% extroverted or introverted.  In fact, most people are one way in some situations, and another way in other situations.  Second, there really is no correlation between your personality type and the kinds of work you’re able to do well.  And third, many people change as they grow older.  For me personally, my introverted side has grown over the years and now I consider myself, like lots of you, and “ambivert” somewhere in the middle.

There are too many of us for an intimate roundtable conversation.  But I’d love to hear each of you respond to these questions, “How do you experience God differently because of the way you’re wired?”  And, “What do you want more and less of as a person of faith?”  But let me close with a few comments about how we can make sure we’re valuing everyone’s gifts within our life together.

1.    How we have conversations and make decisions matters.

“There is zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas” – Susan Cain. 

Yes, so in congregational life, we have to make sure that the “best talkers” don’t shape our strategy and mission all by themselves.  Small gatherings, bible studies, prayer groups, Session and Deacon meetings, PW meetings, all the various committees that meet – you will have to learn to live differently.  You will have to consciously value the gifts and input of introverts.  But they won’t hand it to you.  You will have to wait on them, let them ask questions, and you will likely have to prompt their input and show that you value it.  They’re used to being overlooked and undervalued.  They’re used to extroverts dominating the room by trying to hold court and get attention while confidently processing their half-baked ideas out loud. 

2.    What kinds of experiences and environments we provide matters.

We gather for different kinds of experiences and in different formats.  We gather for formal worship on Sunday mornings.  But even then, some of you thrive on connecting and catching up with others.  Some of you love the singing and could ditch the rest.  Some of you are really here for the quiet, for the solitude, for the chance to listen and process what God is doing in your life.  We offer various classes that are smaller settings mostly geared to education.  We offer retreats as a chance to get away from normal routines and enjoy more intimate, personal experiences ,getting to know others in a low-key environment.  Here in a few weeks we’ll gather to work together in teams serving others.  Some groups meet to pray and study Scripture.  Some gatherings are completely social.  Some aim at encouragement for artist.  Our theology on tap conversations aim at fostering an engaged and thoughtful curiosity.  All of this is important.  Not because we expect anyone to participate in all these experiences.  But because it’s important to let people meet God in ways that make sense to the way they’re wired.

3.     The way we tell stories matters.

Often the way we tell stories about coming to faith, growing in our faith, and responding to God are skewed towards extroverts.  There are assumptions about being “happy,” being social and wanting to be with others.  This brings with it a host of mistaken assumptions and expectations for introverts.  They’re not unhappy.  They’re fine.  At least until you treat them like there’s something wrong with them and try to force them to love large parties!  But think about how important this is in the life of faith, and how we live, worship, and work together.  What if we all became a little more aware of how we’re wired, and how others are wired, so that we could get rid of expectations that alienate half of us.  What if we could bring all the unique gifts and insight of our more introverted friends into balance with the wonderful natural energy of our extroverts?

Thank God for introverts and their gifts.  And thank God for extroverts and their gifts (only please stop talking sometimes so we can hear from others!).  And God save us from any temptation to privilege and value one set of gifts over another.  Amen.