(Un)natural Family Planning

The number of things required to move a family from one place to another can be daunting.  When the move involves a relocation to New York City with three little kids, it’s daunting squared.  We’re awash in checklists.  We’ve sold stuff and have given away things to friends and family.  We’ve put our house up for sale and since “shown” it nine or ten times.  (You know the routine - you try to keep the house within an hour or two’s worth of frantic work of actually appearing clean).  

We talk and pray with the kids about the move, about NYC, about embodying God’s goodness.  Steph has lined up movers to get our stuff from here to there - a portion of it anyway.  Moving from an old 2,700 square foot house to an apartment less than 1,000 square feet has a cleansing, minimizing affect on one’s aesthetic.  We’re getting ready to sell both of our cars.  We’re collecting boxes, raising money, and trying to say goodbye to our families and many dear friends whom we love deeply and will miss more than they can ever imagine.

But this week we all went our separate ways, to an extent.  Henry went to a church camp (and came home with an addiction to beef jerky and mountain dew, but also with a desire to be baptized - we’ll call it a wash).  Steph, Oliver, and Remy headed down to Owasso, OK, where her parents live.  And I . . . well, I had a little “operation” minimizing my reproductive capacities.  I know, I know, this transgresses the polite limits of publicly shared information.  But I’ve been dreading it for two years now.  And I kind of want to congratulate myself on getting it done.  The dread is over, and I’m on the mend.  Surprisingly, this ordeal prompted me to reflect theologically on the significance of life stages.  

I admit to being a bit conflicted about the procedure.  I have many close Catholic friends of various stripes.  Some of them will be disappointed in my latest display of protestantism.  Some of them believe very strongly in the Catholic Church’s position that human sexuality should be fundamentally open to the mystery of God’s creativity.  In shorthand, that means they practice “Natural Family Planning.”  They’re not against exerting some purposeful influence over the size of your family.  They just believe that one ought not resort to medically artificial means of splitting apart sexual relations from the possibility of mystery, creativity, and reproduction.  This will sound inconsistent.  But I can honestly say that I deeply respect my friends’ position here.  But my faith has a slightly different shape.  Not better, just different.

One of the best things I can do for my family is to make sure we cap our current population.  We are delighted that God has called our family - all five of us - to lead a new community of Christians in one of the world’s most amazing cities.  What this means for us, at a pretty practical level, is that we’re going to live in a small two bedroom apartment, with our three boys - 8, 4, and 1 - in a single bedroom.  (For those of you who don’t track NYC real estate, it’s kind of expensive).  Simply put, bringing any more children into God’s wonderful world would make it virtually impossible to survive in an expensive city.

Having children is one of God’s greatest gifts.  Raising them well - embodying for them the love of God and neighbor - is one of life’s greatest responsibilities for parents.  To be honest, I am excited about what living in NYC will mean for Stephanie and for me.  But I am more excited about what it will mean for Henry, Oliver, and Remy.  I wouldn’t change my upbringing for anything.  But I do, at times, envy the opportunities they will have - opportunities to live in such an artistic, ambitious, interesting, energetic place, full of wonderful and talented people.  To love and guide them like we should, the time has come for us to stop having more children.  Chances are we’ll be gifted with lots of “adopted” children and family members.  And we will welcome them enthusiastically.  

For now, I need some Advil.  I think the anesthesia is starting to wear off.