The Happiness Problem

Deut. 10:12-14

John 15:5-11

Today we begin talking together about happiness.  And I want to ask you some questions to get you thinking about your own happiness – where you are and where you want to go.

You have an insert with some questions on it.  And I’d like for you to take a few minutes to respond to those questions.  I want to read these – and it will help me find out where we are as a group.  And I’ll give you a summary next week.  Don’t put your name on it.  Just keep it and put it in the offering plate later in the service.

Survey

Which statement describes you best (circle one):

            “My happiest time in life is behind me”

            “My happiest time in life is right now”

            “My happiest time in life will be in the future”

 

Which statement describes you best (circle one):

“I am less happy than most people I know”

“I am more happy than most people I know”

“I am about as happy as most people I know”

From 1 to 7, circle the number that best reflects your happiness in specific areas of life:

                                                                                      Very Unhappy            Very Happy

School or Work or Retirement? (circle which)                            1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

Marriage or singleness (circle which you’re rating)?                1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

Family life - your role as parent, child, or sibling?                                  1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

Sexuality and intimacy?                                                                1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

Physical health, activity levels, and body image?                       1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

Friendships?                                                                                   1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

The place where you live?                                                            1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

Your congregation and your spiritual life?                                             1  2  3  4  5  6  7         NA

All things considered, how happy are you right now?         1  2  3  4  5  6  7       

           

On average, how many days a week are you happy?                1  2  3  4  5  6  7       

What is the number one obstacle to your happiness?  What one challenge keeps you from being happier than you are?

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Some of you are already thinking – but we don’t really know what “happiness” means.  Right.  That’s precisely what we’ll be exploring this summer.  What is it?  How can I shape my life in ways that are more deeply satisfying?

And some of you are thinking, “Wait, these kinds of questions seem more like what you find in self-help books than what we find in Scripture.”  Yes, I admit that.  I’m reading self-help books on happiness.  And there is in most self-help books on happiness more than a dose of self-preoccupation.  It’s kind of all about me, my happiness. 

But that’s the trick and the riddle, the upside down wisdom of Jesus himself: focus on your own happiness, and you won’t find it.  Try to grab it, and it will slip away.  Take the best seat, and you’ll be disgraced.  Lunge for the first place in line, and you’ll be ushered to the back.

Here’s why I want to talk about happiness this summer:  I want to help every single one of us make choices and changes in our lives that bring us into a deeper happiness.  I want to challenge every single one of us to stop living in a kind of grey zone, half-asleep, just getting by from day to day, tolerating low levels of energy and joy.  Too many of us – and I include myself here – settle for a life that is far beneath the life that God offers us.

So let me ask you: Do you believe that you are created by God for a life of intense happiness and enduring joy?  Do you believe that God wants you to be happy?  Maybe you do and maybe you don’t.  Maybe you’re not sure.  Some of you are wondering, “Well, what kind of life does God want for me?”

Some of us here have made life choices that have led to a variety of satisfying outcomes.  This is what Scripture refers to as “shalom” or “flourishing.”  We’re experiencing peace in our hearts, gratitude for what’s come our way, contentment with what we have, pleasure in serving others, and we know what intense, joyful celebration feels like.  If that’s you, then I want to cheer you on and encourage you.

But others of us aren’t very happy.  Or we aren’t happy very often.

Maybe that’s because we’ve made choices and gotten into habits that we thought would make us happy but they haven’t.  We developed relationships we thought would make us happy but they didn’t.  We made decisions about where to live that we thought would make us content but didn’t.  We bought stuff and accumulated experiences we thought would satisfy us but they didn’t.

Or maybe we’re not very happy because we have experienced some kind of pain, and that suffering has worn us down, and we’ve given up hoping for joy.  We’ve settled into thinking of ourselves as victims who don’t really deserve to enjoy our lives any more.  My marriage didn’t work.  My spouse died.  My kids or family life didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped.  My career has been a disappointment or I haven’t ever found stable employment.  I was abused.  I was betrayed.  Someone important to me said something damaging to me and I can’t let go of that.  I have health problems.  I’m stressed because money is tight.

What IS the problem of happiness?  All human beings want to be happy, but we’re not very good at identifying what will make us happy.

Both texts of Scripture we heard today teach us that happiness will be found in living the life that God offers to us.

In Deuteronomy 10, words first spoken to Israel but now overheard by us, we are reminded that we are in a covenant relationship with God.  God is the one who has delivered us from captivity, stayed with us through the wilderness trials of our lives.  And this God expects from us that we revere him and observe his commandments, that we love and serve him with all our heart and soul. 

And we are to observe God’s ways in our lives, says v. 13, because these are laid out for us “for our own good.”  That is, the life God offers to us is meant to deepen our delight and maximize our happiness.  We’re built this way, to live as God’s creatures, loving and serving God and caring for our neighbors and observing God’s commands.  That is the life that will bring us the most joy.

And isn’t this exactly what Jesus promises us?  He DOESN’T’ say: “Follow me into a life of drudgery and disappointment.”  No.  He says to us, I am the vine and you are the branches that grow from me.  Remain in my love and live the way I’ve modeled for you.  “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (v. 11).

You will hear a lot over the summer about Ellen Charry’s book, “God and the Art of Happiness.”  Charry is a theologian at Princeton Seminary.  When I first met her and began to read her work, I knew this was someone that I wanted to continue reading for the rest of my life.  Her writing on happiness is powerful and compelling because she is praying and wrestling with God in the midst of her own struggles just like we are.  She has raised children.  She has had to grieve the death of her husband.  And she has chosen to spend time with people in prison.  So when she writes about how only God can make us happy, I think she’s worth listening to.

She wrote a book on happiness because in our culture, happiness has been divorced from God.  And divorced from goodness.  We live in a culture where people are trying to be happy without God, and without the hard work it takes to develop moral goodness.  What we have now is a kind of happiness that’s linked to excitement.  This is a short-sighted and self-preoccupied kind of happiness.  And here’s the real point: it’s not really working for anybody.  Most people I know aren’t happy. 

In 1991 Rolling Stone interviewed Bob Dylan on the occasion of his 50th birthday, and at one point the interviewer asked Dylan if he was happy. This seemed to puzzle him a bit, and he was silent for a minute. Then he said, “You know,” he said, “these are yuppie words, happiness and unhappiness. It’s not happiness or unhappiness, it’s either blessed or unblessed. As the Bible says, ‘Blessed is the man who walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.’” (Psalm 1).

Dylan wanted to give up on the word “happiness.”  I think I share his concerns, but I don’t want to give up on the word.  Charry has convinced me that “happiness” is a word that can be reclaimed and used by Christians trying to read Scripture well.

Charry’s book about happiness is a call for us to turn towards the pattern of life offered to us by God in Scripture, and to return to the wisdom of the best of the classical Christian tradition. 

She agrees with 4^th century theologian Augustine when she says bluntly, “Possessing the triune God is happiness itself.”

She continues, “Happiness is knowing, loving, and enjoying God securely.  For that, one must both seek and find God, and this seeking proceeds by cultivating wisdom.”

Still paraphrasing Augustine, she writes, “Happiness characterizes God-lovers, and loving well is the key to happiness. . . . Therefore, ultimate happiness is becoming wiser and better by loving God.”

Finally here’s what she says about the problem of happiness:

“In short, while all people say they want to be happy, their actions belie their words, for they are looking for happiness in the wrong place. . . . People are confused because they mistakenly expect happiness to lie in external pleasure and ignore the deeper lasting pleasure of a life of integrity and dwelling in the goodness of God.”

Conclusion:

When were you happiest?  Was there a time in your life that you experience more intense joy?  When was it?  How old were you?  What were you doing?  Was it a thrill-laden adventure or just a time of peaceful relaxation, free of stress?

It’s important to realize that in some sense, we are always fighting to return to our happiest time.  This is very human, the desire to be happy.

Recommended Practice for the Week:

Becoming happier requires some practical changes in our lives.  We’ll have to take up some new practices.  What we do every day is more important than what we do once in awhile.  Daily practices are shaping our lives into something.

So let me suggest a simple practice to start: Spend a little time looking back over the past year of whatever calendar you use to organize your time.  Ask yourself, what do I spend the most significant chunks of my time and energy doing?  Where are most of my energies aimed?  Does your calendar reflect where you want to be going?  Is this time-allotment a good sign of what you really want – of your deepest happiness? 

This will be a very tough, possibly shattering some of your illusions.  What we will likely find out, if we’re honest, is that there is an enormous gap between our goals in life (what we most want), and how we actually spend our time.  We will also likely find out, if we’re honest, that some of our actual habits reflect a preoccupation with things we don’t even want.  We’re spending time pursuing stuff that doesn’t really lead to happiness.  But these hard looks at our calendars can be the beginning of a much happier life.

The goal this summer is to help you find your truest source of happiness in the experience of being God’s beloved creature, blessed by God into flourishing into your best life.  And more practically, to help you understand the drive towards happiness so that you can make better choices about what will really make you happy.